Last night, all was going well. I watched (and simultaneously tweet my ass off about) the Project Runway season finale (more on that when it really hits me that this season is over..), and the season premier of The League. (Do you love that show, or do you love that show?) Then, as per usual, read up on my blogs that I follow while Henry started up the Xbox. Several matches of Call of Duty later, I started to feel so freakin terrible.
Not sick (big surprise there) but really, really low and down on myself. I know we all have these days but for some reason late last night I just could not talk myself out of it. It wasn't even the usual physical unattractiveness (< not a word) that I sometimes feel, it was personal. Like my mind was vengeful. It started as just a humm-dumm bummed out attitude but then it grew.
Being so sick lately (as most of you know I am) is really gettin me down, I guess. I feel as if I'm not unique and that I'm completely uninteresting. I feel like I have nothing about me that makes a stranger say "Hey, I wanna be friends with her." I know it's silly, but sometimes I can't just tell myself that I'm being ridiculous and that I have so many new friends and opportunities to live a better life than I ever have. I felt like I like everything (for two seconds), but love nothing. Not people, by any means, because I have so many people that I truly am thankful for in my life. Just things. I feel like I have no favorites. Except a color... Teal is my favorite color.
Anyway, I put myself in a terrible mood and now it's 8am and I still haven't slept and I'm contemplating life, which is a terrible thing to be doing with no rest in me, knowing that I'm being a debbie downer.
Again, I know everyone has these days. And I may be acting like a total whino, but this blog is for me as self help and self love; for remembrance, guidance, wishes, hopes, dreams, aspirations, etc. You're all just invited. Plus, it gives me a reason to want to get out of pjs everyday and focus on life as a journey, not a destination. (That's how the saying goes, right?) Before starting this blog, these days were more common and I know its only been a week writing it, but its giving me willpower. To get up, out of bed everyday, and try to live life. No one wants to read about me sitting on the couch, watching mindless tv, staring at this screen. (Does anyone even read?)
I need to remember all of the reasons I'm doing this and that I am someone that no one else is. It'll always be that way and always has been. In this process I hope to find myself. I feel so out of touch and I need to get back into the self-motivating, self-appreciating, and soul-searching ways that I've forgotten.
So consider this step 1: Venting and realization.
And with that, I'm gonna go try to sleep. (Or find some lipstick...)
How do you guys get out of slumps like these?